Category: ~* Satire *~
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Woman Can’t Remember If She Put The United Party Before Or After One Nation
It’s a very Australian sentiment that everybody should get a go no matter what. Most can get onboard with this idea, until it translates to the fact that everybody gets a vote, even if you think they deserve one or not. Just days after Australia took a collective sigh of relief and happily embraced its… Read more
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Man Beats Himself Up For Not Being More Present, Looks Around And Remembers Why
As the New Year rolls around local man Ben Phillips vowed to make one of his resolutions for 2022 “being more present”. However, it is alleged that it only took 3 days for him to find himself in a 4 hour TikTok hole, after a routine doom scroll through Instagram and Twitter somehow lead him… Read more
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Woman Worried About Being Murdered But Confident It Would Become A True Crime Podcast
On Friday evening it is being reported that local woman Rebecca Bernard felt unsafe while walking home. She discloses “There were a couple more rowdy drunks out, and one too many cat calls than usual that just caused me to grip my keys a little tighter, and walk a little faster.” Although concerned about whether… Read more
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Kylie Jenner Allegedly Blasting Boss Baby Through Uterine Wall To Ensure Child Is Born With “Entrepreneurial Spirit”
The billionaire makeup, beauty and nepotism guru Kylie Jenner has announced that she is expecting her second child to on-again off-again rapper boyfriend Travis Scott. Sources close to the couple have revealed that everyday up until birth, Ms. Jenner plans to play the movie Boss Baby through the uterine wall to ensure the baby shares… Read more
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How Your Star Sign Will Deal With The Impending Climate Crisis
ARIES: You fucking psychos won’t even bother waiting to see if there’s any kind of plan B, let alone try to hatch a plan yourself before you start your own personal Purge-esque rampage. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your exes crazy new girlfriend because you firey bitches have been waiting to let off… Read more
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“We’ve Had Enough!” Meet The Fruit That Are Sick Of Being Used As Metaphors For Vaginas
For as long as there has been women’s based literature, there has always been a secret little section detailing all the ins and outs of vaginal care and sexual satisfaction. These articles, teetering on the edge of the explicit, soon become synonymous with the trademark use of fingering fruits to simulate pleasure and tantalize the… Read more
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Vegan Woman Turns To Cigarettes As A Plant Based Alternative To Vaping
With more and more young people turning towards sustainability and plant based alternatives for everyday products, a Redfern woman is taking it a step further in an attempt to make her smoking habits more conscionable. “I jumped on the vaping train pretty much as soon as every other bored Inner West living millennial did post… Read more
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Apple Update To Include Function That Deletes Notes App If It Detects Any Iteration Of “I Am Deeply Sorry For My Actions”
On Monday Apple announced that the iOS 15 update will include a new function that will cause the Notes app to self delete if it catches even a whiff of somebody trying to use screenshots from the app to pass off as an actual public apology. The move comes after the tech giant became increasingly… Read more
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Woman Bookmarks Article About Procrastination To Read Later
Local woman Sophie Turnbuckle has been intrigued by an article claiming to bust all your procrastination habits in one week. It has been alleged that she was unable to take the 5-7 minutes to read the article, but will reportedly endeavour to read it at a later, unspecified date. The 30 year old Newcastle woman… Read more
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Self Publishing Success Story! Woman Replaces All The Books From Local Street Library With Copies Of Her Own
A Petersham woman is fast becoming the suburbs foremost self publishing superstar this week, as her book “How To Hack Your Way To Success” fast becomes the talk of the town. Victoria Bishop had the bold idea to replace all of the books in her local street library with copies of her own book, when… Read more