Welcome to “Another Important Piece of Writing” a weekly(ish) newsletter/life update/writing exercise/rant/potenially the next most important piece of literature from the 21st century but probably not.
I was just on a flight the other day where I watched a woman screenshot and crop all of her wedding photos instead of downloading them to her phone and I need to talk about it!
First of all, I was on Jetstar so to quell the rumours, I didn’t actually see her screenshot all of the photos as we didn’t have Wi-fi (they do on Qantas now which is WILD! I’m pretty sure I could just take my phone off aeroplane mode and connect to the internet, but I’m still too scared to try it on the off chance I do bring the plane down) but I watched as she cropped all of the pre-screenshotted photos which, incase you were wondering, took all flight.
I know some people aren’t as technologically advanced as the rest of us, but, at no point during our hour and a half flight did she turn to her partner and say “God, you know, I wish there was a quicker way to do this!” Also, at no point did her partner watch her do all of this and think “You know, surely there is a quicker way you could do that?” Although its abundatly clear that these two are absolutely perfect for each other, I’m still going to rag the absolute shit out of them.
It’s the most insane thing I’ve seen in a while, just painstakingly cropping 250 or so photos, and for what? You can’t put that many up on Instagram without losing half of your followers? Plus, she seemed around my age – the age of uploading hundreds of photos of your weekend out from your desktop computer to Facebook so I know she knows it’s possible!
The craziest thing really is that she’s probably gonna have kids! She’s probably gonna have litters upon litters of technologically incompetent, wildly obsequious children! It made me think about how the rise of C-sections in the last century or so has led to people with narrower birth canals giving birth to children with equally narrow birth canals, which will eventually lead to them giving birth to children with even narrower birth canals and so on and so forth… It’s like that, but with idiots.
~~~
I was talking to a friend recently about going to a smash room. If you’ve been living under a rock it’s basically a place where you can pay to smash the ever loving shit out of some old crap nobody wants anymore.
As we were talking he goes “You should go with somebody though, it’s way more fun!” and I thought “Oh my god… of course…” Could you imagine how INSANE it would look if I just showed up to a smash room alone?
“Yeah hi, one ticket to solo obliterating a room on a random Tuesday”.
“Uh, no it’ll just be me. Nobody would come with me…”
“I don’t care what music you play, that’s not what I’m here for!”
I can just imagine the employees just placing bets on whether I’ve already written or am about to write my manifesto… like how soon into somebody lone smashing up a room of somebody else’s pre-loved belongings do you call the cops?
I still really want to go to one! But I also think that whoever comes with me will have to accept that this is something I’ve always wanted to do (Ok once I did smash my own laptop and phone but I was very drunk after a court proceeding that didn’t go our way, which meant I had to go and replace those things which is where you lose all the FUN) and while I think it will be very therapeutic, I also have the feeling I might just enjoy it too much. I don’t have the funds for such an expensive hobby, especially one I could probably replicate in my own home if I become brave enough.
~~~
A fun thing men have been doing at my work is ordering a piccolo or espresso and then DEMANDING it go in a larger cup. They proclain “I can’t be seen with such a SMALL CUP!” I watch as their mouths are straight up two words away from saying “If I hold a small cup everybody will think I have a SMALL DICK! We can’t have that! I have such a BIG DICK! I need a BIG CUP to match my BIG DICK!” and I just have to accept that this is something I am paid to cop everyday.
It’s not even like all of these guys are from the same workplace and it’s a ~thing~ there. These are all men from varying workplaces, industries and economic statuses that all just happen to be so wildly concerned over the perception of their junk, and oddly enough their dairy intake.
It might just be me but I’d respect a man more if he ordered some sort of grande caramel whipped triple shot fuck-me-up-fam frappacino. It would be waaay be more attractive if he could handle that much sugar and dairy first thing in the morning, while still being able to get on with his day without complaining about his tummy or a headache.
To be honest, if a man were to gnaw on a handful of loose coffee beans and then proceeded to wash it down with 3 litres of milk at the start of a morning meeting, I’d probably trust him more than anybody I’ve ever trusted in my life so far.
Nobody is doing that kind of theatre on a Monday morning if they have nothing to hide, and quite frankly I’d like to see more of it.
X